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  1. 19
    Perspective

    I thought yesterday morning was a rough one. As I was driving to my early morning appointment, I discovered I had a flat. Luckily my (amazing) mechanic was on the way and he fixed it right on the spot (which is reasonable since he changed my winter tires out last week and it was a seal issue). Running behind, I rushed to work through three highway construction zones for a mid morning meeting…which turned out had been cancelled only an hour earlier.

    This morning I woke up way too effing early. My shoulder has been inexplicably killing me and making it hard to sleep much past 3 or 4. After rolling it out and getting some work done, Finn woke up to get our morning started. Finn paid me some money that I had spotted him over the weekend and I went to go for my wallet for change. I far too often leave my wallet in the car, so I didn’t panic at first when I didn’t find it. After getting him off to school, I then spent a half hour scouring both house and car…nothing. 

    The last time I remembered having it was when Finn and I went to get creemees last night. On my way to the office this AM (I do not like driving sans license), I called and left a message at the creemee stand. Before I arrived at work, I had received a message that it had been found and was at the police station.  I turned around and went back to get it. Not only was it returned, but ALL $80 in cash was still in it. 

    While all this shit can be stressful (on top of the usual life juggling stuff), I am so very thankful for the place where I live and how we take care of each other here. 

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    1. 15

      davidvienna:

      Frank Olesby’s Strange Behavior (Part 3)

      The activity of the city street was dampened with alcohol, honking taxis and calculated conversation. Frank wandered south on 34th, pretending to not know where he was going, until he arrived at All Nail Rock ‘n’ Roll.

      The pierced lady was lazily sweeping up the empty shop. The sound of clanging guitars and machine gun drums ripped through the small slit in the door. Frank banged on the glass. When she turned, it took her a moment to recognize him. “No refunds!” she shouted over the music.

      He banged again, choosing not to scream his question both through the glass and over the cacophony. She plodded to the door, unlocked it and opened it a crack. “What?” she asked.

      “I just have one question,” Frank stammered.

      “It’ll wash out in stages, probably last a couple of months at most.”

      “No, no.” Frank nervously scratched his temple. “That woman I asked you about. The blonde. I need to find her.” The pierced woman stared at him. “Not in a weird way,” he added. “I just need to find her.”

      “How is that not weird?”

      “I sort of used to know her,” he lied. The practice of fabrication came easy to him, ever since he was a boy. He found it easier to lie to his father—about his grades, the goals he failed to score on the field, the broken pane in the neighbor’s side door—than disappoint him.

      “From where?”

      “The restaurant.” It was a gamble. “I used to go there for lunch all the time. She gave me some advice once that really helped me out and I’d like to thank her.”

      The pierced woman opened the door wider, but still did not let Frank in. Instead, she stood in the doorway and craned her neck to look at his hair. “Looks good.” She leaned the broom against the wall and ran her fingers through it. “Nice job.”

      She picked up the broom again. “Geri is good with the advice,” she said. “Last I heard, she was running a auto shop out at Par Station and before you ask, I don’t have her number.”

      “Okay. Thanks,” Frank said. He stepped back onto the sidewalk and added, “I’m really not weird.”

      “I’m not worried for her,” the pierced lady said.

      Frank looked down the sidewalk. “You ever feel totally in sync with the world?” he asked.

      “I don’t even feel in sync with my toothbrush.” She closed the door, barely muffling the jangle of chords and screaming vocals spurting from the shop.

      To be continued…

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      1. 45

        We spent the day at the California Science Center, where we saw the Space Shuttle Endeavour. It was pretty rad and a nice contrast to yesterday’s shitshow.

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        1. 34
          Conversation with my Friend

          Joedy: We’re all getting together for dinner one night this week. Wanna join us?

          Me: If I have time. My calendar is pretty full this week. May 6 - 12 is the first ever International Clitoris Awareness Week and I hate to pass up an opportunity for having a legitimate reason to wear my “I Love My Clitoris” t-shirt.

          Joedy: You have an “I Love My Clitoris” t-shirt?

          Me: It was the 80s. I was in college. We were in New Orleans for Mardi Gras. It just seemed like the right thing to do.

          Joedy: What the hell do you know about the clitoris?

          Me: Plenty. I went as moral support for Thalia when she got her clitoris pierced. Or maybe it was the hood she got pierced. I’m not really sure. You gotta remember I went to high school in redneck country, so we didn’t learn a whole lot about this stuff. Hell, we had to combine sex ed and driver’s ed into a single class because the school could only afford one car.

          Anyway, I was there with her. And fainted, hitting the edge of the table on my way to the floor, which is how I got the scar on my chin. So, I know plenty about the clitoris. Like the first time you see one should not be while it’s being pierced and telling people at parties “I got this scar on my chin from a clitoris” is a real conversation starter. So, there!

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          1. 35,289

            clumsyoctopus:

            flower language has always been an intense source of disappointment for me

            like, they all mean really generic things like “love” or “forever” or “i’m sorry” 

            i thought you could combine flowers

            like you could just send someone a bouquet and from the combination of hibiscus and posies and tulips they’d understand “the rebel leader is dead, rendezvous at the docks at 8, bring the dog, you will need lighter fluid and  a large tomato”

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            1. 41

              Buckley in action!

              !!!!! SO MUCH BASSETUDE!

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              1. 38
                Actual Conversation In Which Wyatt Thinks A Foam Sword Makes Him King
                • Wyatt: Boone, I'm going to hit you with my sword.
                • Boone: Stop it.
                • Me: Guys, are you playing nice with each other?
                • Wyatt: SILENCE!
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                  1. 39
                    I didn't realize Boone was trying to get my attention at the park the other day until he stepped into my field of vision and gave me a WTF gesture

                    The only thing missing was the actual phrase “What the fuck?”

                    That will come in time, I’m sure.

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                    1. 44
                      Oh and regarding the 3 mattresses...

                      …in Sandy’s crib. It’s a fluke combined with a storage solution in a New York apartment. One is Jacket’s old toddler bed mattress. One came with the crib seen in the photo. And, one came with a crib that I bought in a Craigslist package deal in which I only wanted the stroller so I sold the crib- and the buyer didn’t want the mattress.

                      I call it Sandy’s ‘Princess and the Pea’ bed. That children’s story drove me NUTS when I was a kid. There was NO WAY she felt that fucking pea. I spent most of 2nd grade arguing with my mom about it.

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